Terrible Live Action Porn Based on Terrible Cartoons: Cosplayer [Macross] Frontier

Once in a while I get saddled with the task of reviewing some pornographic anime or anime-related pornography. Sometimes someone else will do it, but it’s usually me. There are a few constants with these reviews: the videos themselves are always…

Once in a while I get saddled with the task of reviewing some pornographic anime or anime-related pornography. Sometimes someone else will do it, but it’s usually me. There are a few constants with these reviews: the videos themselves are always terrible, the posts get more hits than any other post on this site and I always open with a joke about how much our readers like porn.

That’s probably a fallacy, as most of the page views on these reviews no doubt come from random perverts who find us via search engines or Wikipedia. A guy searching that intently for information about Lolita Anime or a live-action tentacle video probably isn’t the kind of guy who’s going to hang around and read about obscure 80s cartoons.

In any case, this time I’ll be talking an unlicensed live-action porno video based on Macross Frontier. Giddyup.

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As someone adverse to the idea of cosplaying but heartily approving of the idea of pornography, I’m a bit torn over live-action pornography based on anime. I find people dressing up as cartoon characters odd enough without them taking those costumes off and then engaging in sexual intercourse. Logic would dictate that if you’re that attracted to a particular cartoon character, you probably wouldn’t be interested in seeing an actual woman dress up like them.

But then again, logic doesn’t often come into play when discussing the finer points of the penetrative arts. I don’t doubt the fact that there are a lot of perverts out there (living in Japan for over a year and spending more than five minutes on the Internet has taught me that much) so while videos like this might get some sales off the novelty or bizarreness of it all, I’m sure some people genuinely like this stuff.

In fact, I find it harder to believe that someone could actually enjoy Macross Frontier than an unlicensed, low-budget porno based on Macross Frontier.

To truly appeal to hardcore Frontier fans I suppose this video would have had to employ 14-year-old female performers, but apparently even Japan has standards/laws. It manages to stay true to some of Frontier‘s other key aspects though: rehashing tired plot points and being incredibly boring. Had I actually paid the 3800yen this thing costs in retail stores, I’d feel nearly as ripped off as the first time I watched Macross Frontier.

If it wasn’t so well shot (this is not a joke: Japanese pornography looks more professional than Japanese television), I’d say it felt like an amateur video of two slightly inebriated, slightly confused cosplayers you managed to convince back to your hotel room one night during Anime Expo. Assuming, of course, that American cosplayers were actually attractive and that you weren’t so absolutely hammered you could do anything other than lie on the floor of your hotel room talking about how fucking stupid Evangelion is, which is usually how my drunk nights at Anime Expo ended.

Aside from the costumes they didn’t put it much effort to be accurate, something I only bring up because of the trailer at the end for the Evangelion porno in the same series actually bothered to use sets that kind of looked like places from the TV series giving it the appearance of a half-assed try as opposed to the no-ass effort found here. Maybe that’s fitting, as Macross Frontier was such a half-assed fuck you to creativity and entertainment. I suppose the unlicensed live-action pornography adaption might as well follow suit.

The actual sex is rather lackluster. If you’ve ever seen Japanese pornography before (considering the audience I’m speaking to here, of course you have) it’s the same deal, just with goofy costumes. Mostly it’s just boring and uninteresting, which I don’t mean in a creepy “needs way more girls pissing on each other” kind of way, just that it’s regular porn that seems to know it’s going to sell based purely on the costumes than anything else. The most interesting part may be the beginning, where the characters bat their artificial eye lashes at the camera and dance around a little bit and a guy dressed up as the male lead from Frontier comes on camera and looks very uncomfortable.

In the end, the product is about what you’d expect. Intended to cash in on a particular fan niche, it’s not particularly upsetting or offensive, just a slightly odd product designed to make some money. It is neither so bizarre nor ridiculous that you’d watch it for sheer what-the-fuck value, but at the same time so niche and off-putting that I doubt most people would watch it for actual pornographic value.

2 Comments

  1. Much of what happens in porn is designed to reduce the female characters to two-dimensional sex objects. The standard costumes (schoolgirl, nurse, etc.) replace the human woman with the sexualised “type”, so anime cosplay, which pushes the women into roles previously reserved for literally two-dimensional characters, seems like a logical branch of the medium.

    Not to mention that the growth of moe has gone hand in hand with the development of pornographic video games, which I think makes most modern anime and pornography very easy, erm, bedfellows.

    Also, porn in Japan is a highly competitive industry. I know a guy in Tokyo who used to run an adult video store and direct pornography, and the production side of things is not profitable unless you really strike it lucky. If you can tap into a market that has already established itself as a group of mindless consumers with no discernible taste (if anyone fits that description, surely it must be Macross Frontier fans), then I guess the sensible thing to do is to grab it with both hands and milk it till your metaphor explodes.

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